Speaking of feeling melancholy...I was putting River to sleep the other day and I was feeling some depressing feelings. He deserves a better mother. In all honesty, he deserves a better father. At times anyway. I have no idea what I'm doing - will he survive my parenting with his sanity intact? The only real thing I have to console myself with is that there isn't a perfect woman out there to raise this little boy. And I read the other morning in the Gospels where Jesus said that He knows what we need. I took so much comfort from that verse - came at just the right moment.
I'm in this frame of mind right now where I remember reading something from a Chicken Soup for the Soul book about a valentine from a wife to a husband. She penned in her poem about how did he ever find the time? So true. In the midst of child rearing and working and all the other things we have to get done in a lifetime, it's a little hard to reserve a time for your marriage. We were listening to 102.5 the other day on the Song of Solomon and the speaker was saying that marriage was like any other thing that we do with purpose. We have to put effort into it to make it work. I've made a short story quite long - but this is exactly why I think that anyone under the age of 21 probably shouldn't want to get married. Probably shouldn't get married.
This weather is the pits. Maybe that's why I feel in a funk. Plus Jeremy doesn't feel that great and River probably doesn't either and I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Ready to see the sun!
Now is the time to apply the words of Sweet Rose: "remember nothing's quite as bad as it seems when you're so sad..." And cherish the time that River likes me to sing songs to him!
This day, thus far, could not be more perfect. River went to sleep on his own after I put him in the pack n play last night and he didn't wake up until about 6. Then he had a bottle and went back to sleep until 7:30 which left me to do some stuff in peace, as it were. He was a happy kid after he woke up too. Then he went back to sleep at 9:30 (again by his little self) and slept for 2 hours so I got the garden planted and some delicious caramel brownies made for tonight. He is currently entertaining himself in the kitchen - probably eating found crumbs off the floor but hey, he's happy! And did I mention that the weather is awesome?!?!?! I feel like swimming somewhere...
