At last! Another person who sees the evils of balloons as I do:
"Many terrible things begin with B: bears, blindness, boilers, bats, bridges, and brain tumors. But no one brings any of those to a party to up the fun quotient. When I look at a balloon, all I see is an imminent explosion. Where's the fun in that?"
Roz Chast, What I Hate from A to Z
Another Winston Churchill gem:
When Lady Astor became annoyed with a soused Winston Churchill, she blurted out, "Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee." Churchill replied, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
Oscar Wilde:
sarcasm: the lowest form of wit, but the highest form of intelligence.
That is US!